Ed By Blood
by FunkyJ
Summary: The good news: Eddy's brother is coming home! The bad news: Eddy's brother is a complete jerk to everyone around him. Rated T for dark themes and horrendous disco dancing


BANG! BANG! BANG!

The door rattled with all of the force in the world. Eddy was awoken by the said sounds, and checked the window to see who it was. Could it have been the Sock-headed Eddward or the Monobrow Ed, or the Shovel-Chin Kevin? It could have been the totally-hot Nazz or the terror of the cul-de-sac: The Calcified Kanker Sisters, especially the red-headed terror-of-Eddy Lee.

His answer to his question appeared when the door collapsed from the hinges. It was the tower-of-terror that has terrorized him since childhood. The tower's red jacket was unbuttoned, revealing his yellow shirt. His face was similar to Eddy's, save for the definition of his jaw was more apparent and he had a few hairs on his chin; a beard, if you will. He had his hair in a cap, similar to Kevin's, and was the same black as Eddy's. This breathing menace was nobody other than Eddy's Brother.

"Big Bro! How's the park?" Eddy asked his monster of a brother.

"Nothing special, Pipsqueak." The tower began. "I want you to know that I want to have a bit of fun with my little brother again."

"Anything for you, Big Bro!" Eddy squeaked. Alas, Eddy was awestruck that he was hanging out with his big brother again.

"Just for old time's sake, let's do some disco-dancing!"

Eddy was delighted. Never had he thought that the colossus would do disco dancing alongside him. They both loved the dancing, but Eddy's brother always seemed to push Eddy away. Eddy put a record in the record-playing machine and music started to play.  
They started dancing. Actually, it was more of a shallow excuse for Eddy's brother to start beating the crap out of Eddy. With every move, he gracefully executed a blow onto Eddy. "Slow down, bro!"

"I thought that you wanted to hang around with your big bro!"

"Honest! I swear!" Eddy wanted to be with his bro for all of this time, so that he could brag about it to the other people of the cul-de-sac. He didn't have any second thoughts about it until now. Instead, the towering terror decided to pulverize the shorter brother. Eddy's brother then decided to knock out the lights and disco ball until his goal was completed.

The lights were knocked out. The disco ball was off. The only thing that could be heard was the mix of Eddy's screams and the extremely dissonant disco music going on in the background.

"I'm sorry, bro!" Eddy screamed.

"You said that you wanted to hang with your big brother?"

"I did! OUCH! I wanted to-OUCH-hang with you-AYE-bro! However, I think that I have been beyond hurt."  
"Oh, I'm sorry." From the tone in his voice, it was obvious that he was not sorry at all. Instead, he wanted to beat up his brother some more. It would have happened if it weren't for the Sock-head Edd and the Monobrow Ed. The two ran through the door and Eddy hopped up to tell his brother about them.

"Bro!" These are my friends! Double D, and Ed."

Eddy's brother stood there, emotionless, before laughing his lungs out. He was not appreciative of the choice in friends. "These people?" He chuckled. "Of ALL people?"

"Yeah." Ed said. "Eddy's a great friend."

"I concur." Edd added.

"I didn't know your girlfriend spoke Chinese." Eddy's brother chimed about Edd.

"Bro, she ain't my girlfriend!" Eddy spoke to his brother.

"Hey, Eddy's girlfriend!" He was directing himself to Edd. "Wing-pow-ching-chong."  
"I'm sorry. What?" Edd said.

"Bro, he doesn't speak moron." Eddy chimed in.

Eddy was then affected by an uppercut which lead to not only him bleeding from the mouth, but Eddy also fainted from the force of the blow.  
"Eddy?" Edd mused in a depressive tone. "Are you alright?" The answer dawned on Edd. It was obvious that he was not alright. He had to do something to the older brother to get him outside. He couldn't think of anything, until it dawned on him. Edd was growing red in anger. Not to the sight of Eddy, but at the sight that it was his brother that knocked him out for such a benign idea. Edd was ready to scream, but he didn't know what to scream, until he realized that Eddy needed serious medical attention. Smoke came out of his beanie as he rose up to his feet. He faced the colossus.

"GET OUT!" Edd pounded. "STAY OUT OF THIS FUCKING HOUSE, MISTER EDDY'S BROTHER! NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I SEEN SUCH A DISPICABLE ACT DONE ON MY FRIEND! NOT ONLY ARE YOU THE MOST PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A ROLE MODEL I HAVE EVER SEEN, BUT I HAVE REALIZED THAT HOW EDDY BEHAVES IS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT! NOW LISTEN TO ME! I KNOW A GUY WHO CAN KILL ANYBODY! YOU DON'T WANT ME TO MAKE HIM TURN ON YOU! I MIGHT JUST FUCKING WILL AFTER THIS DEPLORABLE AND DETRAMENTAL ACT THAT YOU HAVE PUT UPON EDDY!"  
Edd wasn't done with him yet. "AND TO THINK THAT THIS IS THE PERSON THAT EDDY BRAGS ABOUT! NO WONDER WHY NOBODY RESPECTS HIM. AT LEAST THEY GIVE MORE RESPECT TO HIM THAN TO YOU! I WILL REPEAT MYSELF ONCE MORE, YOU ABHORRENT EXCUSE OF A CITIZEN: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"

Eddy's brother did not budge.

"DID YOU HEAR ME, OR ARE YOU DEAF TO EVERYTHING EXCEPT THOSE MAGAZINES THAT EDDY PUT IN THE SEWER!?"

"Eddy put the magazines in the sewer?" Eddy's brother asked. "I'm gonna kill-"

"YOU STOP RIGHT THERE!" Edd was on a rage roll. "I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE! NOBODY, ESPECIALLY ONE RELATED BY BLOOD, WILL TOUCH EDDY IN A WAY WHICH CAN SIGNIFY MURDER ANYMORE! KAPEESH!?"

"No." Eddy's brother said.

Edd calmed down immediately. He had enough of this bullshit. "Ed. Escort Eddy to your place! Come back after you bring him to your home. He's saying that you will never have gravy again." Edd pointed to Eddy's brother.

Ed stood still, growing from his yellow shade to a bright, reflective red. He shone like electricity though neon, and grew ten times as bitter as how he was in Little Ed Blue. "NO GRAVY!?"

Ed then mowed into the collosus, picking him up by the feet in a fireman's carry and threw him to about the high school. "Don't even think about it, think about it!"

"Ed. Thank you. Now Eddy needs serious medical need. Get some bandages for me."

Ed ran off and grabbed a whole bunch of gauze and tape.

"This will suffice." Edd said, creating his ad-lib bandages. Good thing he took sports medicine. "Now, we will just wait for Eddy to wake up," he chimed.

* * *

Eddy woke up with a pain in his jaw. "Hello, Eddy." It was Edd that he saw.

"Uh..." His jaw pinged in agony. "So, ouch! Who are you?"

"Eddy! You have amnesia?"

"Ah, Double D! You know that I love to joke with you!"

"Not that funny, Eddy." Edd said. "Your brother is terrorizing the cul-de-sac."

"Not again..." Eddy groaned. "We need to stop him?"

"I'm afraid so." Edd said.

* * *

At the school, Eddy's brother arose from the fall. "What the fuck?" He wondered how the no-chin Ed was able to take him all the way to the school in one toss. It was a simple mixture of anger-induced strength and Ed's genuine strength that Eddy's brother was not able to comprehend. He started walking until he found the cul-de-sac again. Eddy's brother was smart; he knew not to go near Monobrow, as his brother would call him. He decided to go to another location, where he could not only hang out, but have some good eats.


End file.
